It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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