What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
