Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
