Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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