I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
