I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to sanitize my soul.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
