Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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