I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
