When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
