i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
