Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize