peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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