im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
