dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
