you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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