You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
