I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my sisters under your porch take her home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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