Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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