he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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