On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
