Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just pee around me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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