if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
