Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
