How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
