i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
