I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
