So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
