can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
