So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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