Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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