Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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