I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
