I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
