Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize