I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I didn't notice because vodka
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
