So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
