garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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