she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
