dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
