just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
