The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
