Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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