You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
