You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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