I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
