Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
