Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
