Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
