He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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