____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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