now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls