Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.