Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth