I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.