you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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