Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
