mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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