At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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