He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
