"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
