I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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