I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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