I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
