whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
