cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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