I think my fart just growled at me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
