No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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