Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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