Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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