First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
