I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
