went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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