I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He better not be in your backpack
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
