you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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