The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
