Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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