he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
