did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
