I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
